I Found the Email Attached to This Blog

I have been gone. It's been a long time. I am back. No, I won't tell you where I've been. Stop asking. Seriously, stop it.

Since I was last here, the world of comment sections has gone insane more insane. In fact, the unbalanced and homebound who spend most of their days commenting, now have their very own political party and their own candidate for President! Finding high-quality crazy is no longer hard. Which is great, because I have no desire to push my effort level above the 10-15% mark. 20% if I've had a Coke Zero. Man I love Coke Zero...

Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, comments.

ALL CAPS IS YOUR FRIEND!!!!! part 1

Commenting is a fine art. Remember, re-reading a comment for mistakes is a waste of time and energy.

CEE JAY responding to the thread Is Tommy Illiterate? from the message board of the thankfully long ago canceled VH1 show, Tool Academy:

"I'M WITH U....TOMMY IS A A REAL DUMMY,,,YOU CAN LOOK AT HIM AND TELL HE DID GET PASS THE 8TH GRADE..JUST SEEN 2ND EPISODE AND WHAT A REAL DIC...THE *** HAS A GIRLFRIEND OF 6 YEARS AND COME TO THE SHOW WITH ANOTHER GIRL..IT'S GOOD THE PIG GOT BUSTED, BUT THE GIRL WITH VERY, VERY LOW SELF-ESTEEM STILL STAYED WITH HIM. LOW SELF-ESTEEM IS ONE THING BUT STUPIDITY IS ANOTHER .I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THOSE GIRLS SEE IN THAT SCUM BAG ROOSTER LOOKING 8TH GRADE DROPOUT LOSER.... "

Nice use of all caps. Kudos CEE JAY, you have gone a long way in the quest to rid the world of the "scum bag rooster" that is illiteracy.

Who Knew?

Today, we here at Stupid Galore thought it was time to get serious.
To our shock, we have discovered a worldwide scourge few knew existed. Is it the terrible economy? Nope. Global Warming? Not even close. The lack of a high quality scented toilet paper? No way.
The real evil looming over mankind turns out to be: Left-Handed Popes who don't double check the cover of their book before it goes to the printer.

I wish I was kidding.

Check out this kinda weird and totally sad/stupid review on Amazon of Pope Benedict XVI's book Jesus of Nazareth.

Jesus of Nazareth (Paperback)
by Pope Benedict XVI (Author)
left-handed Christ, May 22, 2008
By
Pauline T. Moulder (Pensacola, FL USA)
Jesus of Nazareth (Hardcover)

"The picture of Jesus is from an original work of art. In the original picture, Jesus is blessing with his right hand. In this picture, Jesus is blessing with his left hand. Now when you publish a book, accuracy, at least for the cover photo is most important and easy to spot. A true pope would never allow such a "mistake." Benedict XVI preaches contrary to Catholic Doctrine; He even baptizes people on the backs of their heads, creating invalid baptisms. The heresy in this book is badly disguised as Catholicism, but nobody wants to notice the left-handed antichrist or the left-handed pope and his heresies. The devil must be laughing up a storm. Benedict XVI could show up with red horns on his head breathing fire and still they would make excuses for him. They would probably call it a medical condition."

Extremely Raw Stupidity!!! Oooh, Yeah!

While taking a stroll through the WWE Forums (that's a pro wrestling website, if you didn't know you're a pencil-necked geek), we came across so many ridiculous comments and topics that we just couldn't fit them all into one post. Thus, today, we are officially launching:

The WWE Ridiculously Stupid and Borderline Racist/Felonious/Disturbing Comment of the Month Award! (or the wwersabrfdcotma-ies for short)

Before we take this magical trip together, it's important to make it clear WE ARE NOT MAKING FUN of professional wrestling or the WWE. Hell, everyone at Stupid Galore spent the better part of their childhood glued to the TV watching superheroes like Andre The Giant, Hulk Hogan, Koko B-Ware and Rowdy Rod Pipper (They Live is the official movie of Stupid Galore).

So, before you send your angry emails and comments, just remember: we hate the player, not the game.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, let's get to the dumbassery!

Here's a beauty from WWE's Off Topic Forum:

In response to the query: Do U Like Mexican Women?

I Whitty 54 {The Chain Gang Commander}

"i know down here they always be having sex all the time and do hardcore stuff and im like.ok i dont want to have sex with u anymore because i might get STD's"

It must be noted, despite the fact that Mr.{Commander} is clearly a syphilitic douchebag, he does have a surprisingly sharp inter-monologue thing goin' on. I mean, he's darn close to becoming this generation's Woody Allen.

He's got the misogyny down.

-authors note: Everyone at Stupid Galore sends out our best wishes to the family of the late great Randy Macho Man Savage. Thanks for all the fun and make sure to kick-ass in the squared circle in the sky.

Unrelated Picture of Chuck Norris

It's that time again! (despite the fact we are not 100% sure if it was ever that time before)
Stupid Galore wishes to honor a few of the stupidest galoriest websites of all time!!!!
These crapholes are so bad that the comments left by people with super high speed internet but no teeth, are usually the most intelligent part. Each week we will introduce you, the "dumb-ass illiterate" (not to be confused with the illiterate dumb-asses we are mocking), to a new site that will have you questioning the value of humanity. If you think about it we are a horrible, horrible bunch. We fight, kill, smell bad (Yeah we're looking right at you France) and create pure evil like One Tree Hill and Ghost Whisperererer....erer. Anyhoo, let the f***t*** Olympics begin!

-If you like politics AND you have frontal lobe damage you are going to love:

WORLD NETDAILY!!!!!!!!!

Aw man, this site is tight! It's got mad skilzzzzz. Come for the stupid, stay for the wacky lies!

NEXT WEEK: We make fun of Alpacas, seriously.

Stupid and Lazy!

Stupid Galore would like to salute the stupidity of the Tea Party Movement but like everyone else on the internet we decided to post a link instead of creating original material. Enjoy.

http://tinyurl.com/ydbm7v6

Get Out and Stay Out!!!!

So how about that Michelle Malkin? Whether you agree or disagree with her strong opinions, you won't disagree to agree that she is a well respected and big-time player in the world of political blogging. We here at Stupid Galore love and are in fact quite jealous of anyone who can convince people to click on pointless internet ads over and over again. Trust us; it's a hard thing to do. We have made nothing so far. Zip.
I mean look to your right..there's a nice juicy ad over there. What's wrong with you? Are you too good to give us your hard earned $.00000001? Cheap bastards...

Anyhoo, here's a ridiculous comment from a recent and thought provoking Michelle Malkin article entitled Black Caucus, white wash.

On October 8th, 2009 at 3:55 pm, Rob said:

You have read “What if” books? Like, “What if Germany had won the war?”

I would like to read a book that looked at the United States today and said, “What if there had been no slavery and the border had been protected?”

But it would probably be too damn depressing…no Crips, Bloods, La Raza, Rap Music, prison riots, free school lunches, welfare, inner cities, etc.

On top of the fact that all of those things (without the same super-cool kick-ass names) would still exist because white people are pretty darn good at starting gangs and riots, demanding free lunches and creating and sustaining crippling poverty, here are some of things we would NOT have:

-Modern American Music. Sorry dude, that includes Lynard Skynard, Hank Williams (Sr. and Jr.) and even that douche bag Toby Keith.

-The Taco Bell, who's parking lot you lost your virginity in while listening to the above music.

-MICHELLE MALKIN!!!!

Dude, I mean, did you not think about this before commenting? If we had been tightening borders for the past 250 years I find it hard to believe that tons of people with the last name Maglalang, no matter how talented and educated they happen to be would have been allowed in this amazing country of ours.

But remember Rob, it's your imaginary silent, bland and racist world, so you are more then welcome to tell us to go f--- ourselves. You wouldn't be the first.

Dumbassery in the UK

With the pseudo-news today that the weaselly, little, redheaded man-kid from the Harry Potter movies survived a battle with the swine flu(i.e. a sore throat that kept him in bed for 5 days) We thought that it was time to focus a spotlight on how the dumb-asses across the pond have responded to this medical emergency. We would hate for anyone to think stupid and paranoid morons only live in America. The fact remains that humans are worthless and intellectually challenged all over the world. Wow, we are bitter.

Oh and thanks again to ireemama for sending in another great comment!

From the UK's The Mirror website, in reaction to every child in Scotland being vaccinated for swine flu:

PraisetheLord wrote:

" Would I trust the Government to inject my child ?,, a Government who bombed London underground and the #30 bus on 7/7, I wouldn't trust them to cut my grass!!30 + 3 trains = 33 = Illuminati, If swine flu came out of a Lab what is there to be gained ? It takes us one step closer to a New Word Order, one World Health Authority, do people really think Aids came from a monkey bite ? these monkeys have been biting folk for years previous to the AIDS virus, so it can't be that !!, I urge all to research this virus, because the signs are quite clear, it's man made !"

See, we always thought that AIDS monkeys were responsible for creating the Illuminati who then used a herd of infected swine to plan the 7/7 bombings. Thanks to our new friend, who seems to love praising the lord more than getting sufficient oxygen to his brain, everyone at Stupid Galore has seen the light. The glorious truth has become so very, very, kinda, sorta, clear! The things you learn on the Internets.

Honky the Plumber

Here's a little ditty submitted by ireemama! It's actually an interview, but it's so stupid it deserves our attention.

From an interview with Samuel Wurzelbacher from Christianity Today:

Question: "In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level?"

Joe The Plumber's response:

"At a state level, it’s up to them. I don’t want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it’s wrong. People don’t understand the dictionary—it’s called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It’s not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we’re supposed to do—what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we’re supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they’re people, and they’re going to do their thing."

I am so happy that Joe has decided to share his wisdom with us. Here are just a few facts many of us might have been unaware of!

1.Queer is in the dictionary so there's nothing wrong with saying it (other acceptable words in the dictionary include: fag, whore, bitch, cunt, kike...).

2. People don't understand the dictionary.

Apparently it's not a very good read. I hear the plot is weak and the ending is predictable.

Thought there is one good part. The definition of:

Homophobia- irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals

3. Love everybody

(except the queers from those queer-loving states like Queerifornia, New Queerk and Iowa. In this case he means both gay and weird)

4. Homosexuals...THEY'RE MADE OF PEOPLE!!!!

5. Children will spontaneously combust if the get within 100 feet of a homosexual man. Lesbians pose no such threat. After all, little Suzie's softball team a'int goin' coach itself.

6. Honky

Sorry, just had to get that in there. Who the hell says "honky" anymore? I mean this guy runs around calling people queer and the best he can do is "honky"? It is totally impossible to say that word 10 times without laughing. Go ahead try it.

7. Honky

8.God is pretty explicit.
You know if God was really explicit, then we wouldn't have so many different types/sects of Christianity (that goes for all of you other religions as well!) If God had a better PR person he would have gone with a short pamphlet or perhaps a catch phrase like "God: Just Don't Do It" or "No Breed, No Shoes, No Heaven"

I know it's easy to take potshots at a honky who hates queers.

That's why I do it.

Goodnight and thanks again ireemama! Remember to email your stupid stuff to stupidgalore@gmail.com

Who? Me?

In the last few weeks the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna debacle has played out in front of a horrified world. It's not hard to find thousands of "I hate Chris Brown" posts and comments. That's kid's stuff.

It might be difficult to fathom that anyone would be defending Brown. But remember, America loves an underdog. Even an underdog that beats on women. Even an underdog that you most likely have never met and only know through third-hand gossip that you can't really prove that you heard in the first place. Even an underdog that is lucky that Jay-Z hasn't had him beaten, gagged and then thrown into the East River.

Here is one example of the pro-Brown comments I was able to discover (two weeks too late to be even remotely timely):

FROM the TMZ story:

Shocking Blow-By-Blow - Chris Brown/Rihanna
Posted Mar 5th 2009

"HAVE YOU MET CHRIS BROWN? NO.

+I HAVE AND I HAVE WORKED FOR HIS RECORD LABEL AND THERE IS NOT ONE PERSON WHO HAS ANYTHING BAD TO SAY ABOUT HIM AND THAT'S WHY EVERYONE'S SO SHOCKED.

+HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A MUMMY'S BOY AND HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN LOVELY TO ALL THE STAFF AND CELEBRITIES AROUND HIM. +YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED YET AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE HIM. +GOD IS WATCHING YOUR NASTY A$$" Posted at 9:46AM on Mar 5th 2009 by J

Two things I learned from J and his hauntingly stupid all-caps post:

1)Chris Brown acted out so violently because it turns out his mother is an undead Egyptian monster that once attempted to kill Abbot and Costello

2)My ass is nasty. And there is a pervy all-seeing deity that likes to watch said ass 24-7. Kinky.

Threads and Stuff, part deux

Lots of people use eBay everyday! It's fun and easy! eBay is the place to be! I love eBay!!
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once you're done bidding on the 6 Million Dollar Man action figure that takes you back to a time when you weren't constantly tempted to chase a quart of cheap vodka with a fist full of Chinese sleeping pills (which may or may not contain a seductive/deadly/hilarious mixture of horse tranquillizers, lead paint chips and just the slightest hint of Yak dung), you can head over to the eBay message boards and share your priceless rants.
Today's Threads and Stuff, will focus on The Soapbox section of eBay's discussion board. The following are some of the most popular threads from the past couple months. Please to enjoy.

What do Basset Hounds do all day? Check this webcam to find out:

What Colour Are Your Towels?

Do You Know How Rubber Gloves Are Made?

WHO HERE IS GAY?

Civil War Part II

Would you clone a cockroach?

Check out what I found with the metal detector.

.........have you ever fainted?

Medical Advice Please...

My Ding Dong Has Shrunk

Just to calm your fears, the last one is actually about the snack cake of the same name. Yummy.

Ummmm...I think you're in the wrong place

A few of the customer reviews on Amazon are weird; this we know. Sometimes you stumble across a posting that is both strange and way, way, way, out of place. Take a gander at this gem, and make sure to double check the "this review is from" line. Oh, and I love the fact that 14 out of 35 people somehow found this review helpful:

JRR TOLKIEN makes his mark in the field of Fantasy, May 11, 2001
By Cherry Blossoms (Japanese Documentarist) (NY) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Mein Kampf (Paperback)

"The Hobbit is an excellent work of fiction. However, many believe Tolkien's masterpiece was brought on by his severe heroin addiction. Clearly Bilbo Baggins is what he views himself as,a dillusional 3 foot tall man. Heroin makes addicts feel as if they shrink, and become thieves, stealing from loved ones to pay for their costly habit. When Bilbo steals the ring of invisibility, it's clear that he feels himself as invisible to his wife. I suggest marijuana."

I suggest rehab.

Role Models

Let's face it (or not, it's totally up to you), in these troubling times, finding a role model can be hard. Yet, when that special someone steps boldly into your life, you must hold tight and celebrate your new found hero with the gusto of a man who enjoys dominating those who aren't emotionally strong enough to fight back. What better way to show your love, than to leave a charmingly sadistic note on the message board of an MTV reality show.

From The Hills message board topic Enough with the Heidi and Spencer bashing

lookyhere said
"Spencer is the MAN, I've been having trouble with my GF family. After watching how Spencer was able to isolate heidi from her friends and family i started to do the same with my GF. I am so much happier now that she is more focused on me. Spencer should write a guide book on how to Isolate a girl from her family and friends."

lookyhere...did you ever know that you're my hero?
(Oh, and you're also a grade-A jackass who better be joking otherwise mankind is doomed.)

My beauty can kick your beauty's butt

Hey, we have our first submitted comment. The wonderful Lori sent me this gem. Please read it a couple of times to soak in the joy of discovering your inter beauty and then using that beauty to destroy all those who oppose you.

krznpsk's comment from the message board of the ABC show True Beauty:

"dear tyra banks,i like your show i like how its about people can be really beautiful on the outside but not always beautiful on the inside. i used to believe that i was ugly but after i watched true beauty i realized i am not ugly on the inside i am beautiful person inside.i have learned from watching true beauty that not everyone in this society is fit to live in it. and when we see these people, it is our duty to make them feel low, like the wretches that they are inside.tyra, i spit in the face of people who are not beautiful like you and i are. and by that, of course i mean, beautiful on the inside"