Merry Whatever

Hey it's the holidays! We here at Stupid Galore stopped caring about Stupid Galore a long time ago, but it is x-mas so here are some links to some non-stupid videos by our friend Brian Kurtz. Now leave us alone.

http://tiny.cc/leQ2r


http://tiny.cc/i12mv


http://tiny.cc/strkH

Get Out and Stay Out!!!!

So how about that Michelle Malkin? Whether you agree or disagree with her strong opinions, you won't disagree to agree that she is a well respected and big-time player in the world of political blogging. We here at Stupid Galore love and are in fact quite jealous of anyone who can convince people to click on pointless internet ads over and over again. Trust us; it's a hard thing to do. We have made nothing so far. Zip.
I mean look to your right..there's a nice juicy ad over there. What's wrong with you? Are you too good to give us your hard earned $.00000001? Cheap bastards...

Anyhoo, here's a ridiculous comment from a recent and thought provoking Michelle Malkin article entitled Black Caucus, white wash.

On October 8th, 2009 at 3:55 pm, Rob said:

You have read “What if” books? Like, “What if Germany had won the war?”

I would like to read a book that looked at the United States today and said, “What if there had been no slavery and the border had been protected?”

But it would probably be too damn depressing…no Crips, Bloods, La Raza, Rap Music, prison riots, free school lunches, welfare, inner cities, etc.

On top of the fact that all of those things (without the same super-cool kick-ass names) would still exist because white people are pretty darn good at starting gangs and riots, demanding free lunches and creating and sustaining crippling poverty, here are some of things we would NOT have:

-Modern American Music. Sorry dude, that includes Lynard Skynard, Hank Williams (Sr. and Jr.) and even that douche bag Toby Keith.

-The Taco Bell, who's parking lot you lost your virginity in while listening to the above music.

-MICHELLE MALKIN!!!!

Dude, I mean, did you not think about this before commenting? If we had been tightening borders for the past 250 years I find it hard to believe that tons of people with the last name Maglalang, no matter how talented and educated they happen to be would have been allowed in this amazing country of ours.

But remember Rob, it's your imaginary silent, bland and racist world, so you are more then welcome to tell us to go f--- ourselves. You wouldn't be the first.

Dumbassery in the UK

With the pseudo-news today that the weaselly, little, redheaded man-kid from the Harry Potter movies survived a battle with the swine flu(i.e. a sore throat that kept him in bed for 5 days) We thought that it was time to focus a spotlight on how the dumb-asses across the pond have responded to this medical emergency. We would hate for anyone to think stupid and paranoid morons only live in America. The fact remains that humans are worthless and intellectually challenged all over the world. Wow, we are bitter.

Oh and thanks again to ireemama for sending in another great comment!

From the UK's The Mirror website, in reaction to every child in Scotland being vaccinated for swine flu:

PraisetheLord wrote:

" Would I trust the Government to inject my child ?,, a Government who bombed London underground and the #30 bus on 7/7, I wouldn't trust them to cut my grass!!30 + 3 trains = 33 = Illuminati, If swine flu came out of a Lab what is there to be gained ? It takes us one step closer to a New Word Order, one World Health Authority, do people really think Aids came from a monkey bite ? these monkeys have been biting folk for years previous to the AIDS virus, so it can't be that !!, I urge all to research this virus, because the signs are quite clear, it's man made !"

See, we always thought that AIDS monkeys were responsible for creating the Illuminati who then used a herd of infected swine to plan the 7/7 bombings. Thanks to our new friend, who seems to love praising the lord more than getting sufficient oxygen to his brain, everyone at Stupid Galore has seen the light. The glorious truth has become so very, very, kinda, sorta, clear! The things you learn on the Internets.

I Don't Wanna Grow Up

The following comment is a perfect example of a pathetic 12-year-old with limited intelligence pretending to be a pathetic 30-year-old with limited intelligence:

From The Cult of Celebrity by Cooper Lawrence on Amazon:

YOU are NOT an EXPERT, May 12, 2009 By Matthew Mowers

"oh my god, this was pure drivel and this book made me and my friends question her as a human being. do a more in DEPTH research next time. not after your famous screw up that i heard about i just couldn't believe anyone was as stupid as that. then your book proved me wrong. im a parent and i know what the esrb is. it has been around since 1996 because of a game called MORTAL KOMBAT. so next time you open your mouth to promote your gutteral crap, just remember that many intelligent people and gamers alike will NOT buy your books"


Oh, sweet mother of crap.

Matthew, you sir, are a top-of-the-line moron.

If you are indeed a parent like you claim, then god help those children. Do the world a favor and do not help your kids with their homework. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you're in the same grade as your imaginary children. Do you take the same little bus to school together every morning? Does your wife (or in this case Mommy) pack you both the same PB and J with the crusts cut off for lunch? Or are you more of a Lunchables kinda guy?

Matthew please do the following: grow up, get a life and move on. Oh and one more thing brainiac, it's spelled guttural.

Honky the Plumber

Here's a little ditty submitted by ireemama! It's actually an interview, but it's so stupid it deserves our attention.

From an interview with Samuel Wurzelbacher from Christianity Today:

Question: "In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level?"

Joe The Plumber's response:

"At a state level, it’s up to them. I don’t want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it’s wrong. People don’t understand the dictionary—it’s called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It’s not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we’re supposed to do—what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we’re supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they’re people, and they’re going to do their thing."

I am so happy that Joe has decided to share his wisdom with us. Here are just a few facts many of us might have been unaware of!

1.Queer is in the dictionary so there's nothing wrong with saying it (other acceptable words in the dictionary include: fag, whore, bitch, cunt, kike...).

2. People don't understand the dictionary.

Apparently it's not a very good read. I hear the plot is weak and the ending is predictable.

Thought there is one good part. The definition of:

Homophobia- irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals

3. Love everybody

(except the queers from those queer-loving states like Queerifornia, New Queerk and Iowa. In this case he means both gay and weird)

4. Homosexuals...THEY'RE MADE OF PEOPLE!!!!

5. Children will spontaneously combust if the get within 100 feet of a homosexual man. Lesbians pose no such threat. After all, little Suzie's softball team a'int goin' coach itself.

6. Honky

Sorry, just had to get that in there. Who the hell says "honky" anymore? I mean this guy runs around calling people queer and the best he can do is "honky"? It is totally impossible to say that word 10 times without laughing. Go ahead try it.

7. Honky

8.God is pretty explicit.
You know if God was really explicit, then we wouldn't have so many different types/sects of Christianity (that goes for all of you other religions as well!) If God had a better PR person he would have gone with a short pamphlet or perhaps a catch phrase like "God: Just Don't Do It" or "No Breed, No Shoes, No Heaven"

I know it's easy to take potshots at a honky who hates queers.

That's why I do it.

Goodnight and thanks again ireemama! Remember to email your stupid stuff to stupidgalore@gmail.com

The Shallow End of the Stupid Pool

Stupid Galore has tried with all it's might to search the internets for ridiculous comments from across the political spectrum. It quite clear that no one point of view holds a death grip on stupidity. In fact, we're begging all you Real Americans to send us stupid quotes and comments from those Commie-loving-child-killing-fairies we've read so much about. Until that glorious day, here's a great little ditty from a recent discussion on MichelleMalkin.com.

In response to the comment:

Is there a pool on when the first same-sex divorce will take place?

ArizonaNeanderthal said:

"I was going to make a comment about a bath house but that would be vulgar so I won’t. I am not going to say anything about a drowning pool either. Nor will I mention the new state motto on Iowa’s license plates: AIDS-Iowa’s Last Best Hope.
I am being moderate today. I started drinking early. "

Wow Arizona! You are soooooooooooo funny! AIDS! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh jeez I think my sides are going to split wide open! AIDS-Iowa's Last Best Hope! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Oh man ArizonaNeanderthal, nothing is funnier than making light of the more than 25 million people who have died worldwide of AIDS since 1981...

Wait a second...If I'm not mistaken, Family Guy has made it's share of tasteless AIDS jokes and I still love Seth MacFarlane. Plus, I am pretty sure that the show even referred to John McCain voters as Nazis. Oh crap, what the hell am I doing? F**K! This was such a perfect attack on the right wing's lunatic fringe and now my childish need to be even handed has totally ruined everything. Come on man you, of all people, know how much time it takes to cherry pick comments and then make fun of them with no consequences!

F**k me. Why in f**ks name did I even wake up this morning? OK f**khead get a hold of yourself. Just wrap it up and live to fight another day. In the end people are too lazy to read the smaller print anyway. OK, Deep breath and here we go...

Yeah and one more thing you giant douche bag! I hope you drink your humanity-hating-bigoted ass to death! F**k you ArizonaNeanderthal!!!!!!!!!

sweet.

The first nominee for Moron of the Year

I was just over on Perez Hilton's wonderful site and I discovered a gem of an email that Perez posted:

The lovely Mike Pullano (mpullano@cox.net) just wrote in to us, saying:

"You are one pathetic bastard….You should be gassed…You fucken fag….Go play with you little clit…Your Daddy must be real proud or is he a faggot also? To bad Hitler missed them."

Wow. Doesn't that make you so proud to be an American?

Mike, it's clear that you're a vicious bigot who also happens to be functionally illiterate. So with that in mind, here are some reasons why you, Mike Pullano, is in the running for our "Stupid Galore Moron of the Year" award!

1)From the tone of your email, I can extrapolate that you have a lot of practice writing angry letter/emails to people you have never met. So with that in mind, how is it you can't spell "fucken" correctly? It's the cornerstone of the pathetic virulent rant!

2)I always thought a "bastard" was a child that didn't know it's own father? So how would Perez have any idea if his "Daddy" is proud of him, or for that matter the sexual orientation of his father?

3)YOU DECIDED TO INCLUDE YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS ALONG WITH YOUR THREAT OF A HITLER-STYLE GASSING.
(Unless of course the email address is not really yours and you did this all as a taste-less and cowardly prank knowing full well that Perez would publish said address thus causing people to flood someone you hate with thousands of angry e-mails. Either way you're a jack-ass.)

4) Oh and don't even get me started on the pronoun problems. Which "them" did Hitler miss? I mean your beloved Hitler was after a lot of different people so you need to be a lot more specific.

Just remember Mike, even if you don't end up winning the award, you'll always be an A-1 douche bag in our eyes.

The Tall and Short of It

Sometimes an article really brings out the crazy in folks. Recently, the increasingly erratic people over at Burger King ran an ad in Spain that upset the Mexican people. Before we continue let's take a peak at the ad! It makes me sad and hungry, kinda like sex:

The ad features a tall cowboy and a short man in a Mexican-style wrestling costume. The tag line? "The taste of Texas with a little spicy Mexican."

I decided I would check out the coverage on the right-leaning website Breitbart.com because it was the first and only place I went. Ok, with that out of the way, let's have some not-so-good, not-so-clean, not-so-much-fun.

Teachem on Breitbart.com:

"It is not the first time that fast-food outlets have offended Mexican sensibilities. And, I can guarantee you --that it won't be the last time that American businesses insult Illegal scum-sucking dirt-bags that chomp on U.S. resources!!! The pizza shop that I go to has a sign that says, English speaking only, or they won't take your order. That's why I go there, and it's the best damn pizza I ever had!!! "

Wow. I totally forgot that pizza speaks English! Just to back up Teachem's point, here is a partial list of people who came over on the Mayflower:

Humility Calzone
Rustica Fuller
William "Pepperoni" Bradford
Mozzarella John Carver

Next week, we will tackle Burger King and their new "Somali Pirate Head Shot Happy Meal". Yum.

Threads and Stuff #3

Let's take a look at what people are babbling about on the QVC Family, Friends & Relationships forum! What could possible go wrong?

Leash Law for Cats?

It's Spring Break Time on the Beach!

Daily Positive Thread for Tuesday

Poly-Wood Adirondack Dining Chair TSV

Thoracic Outlet Syndrome anyone?

Alcoholism vs. Alcohol Abuse

Can Anyone Help With Florida Cremation Laws/Rules - receiving remains ques

Update on my cats surgery

What the hell am I supposed to say. I mean, it's like shooting cremated cats sitting on Adirondack Dinning Chairs in a barrel. Then again I have to admit I did wiki Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. Oh and to put your mind at ease, Manny the cat's surgery went fine.

Good times.

Waaaaaaaaaah!

Turns out this review is the worst piece of drivel I have ever read:

The Cult of Perfection: Making Peace with Your Inner Overachiever (Hardcover)

The worst piece of drivel I've ever read., March 30, 2009
By R. Carranza

"Sets women back 200 years. I think it's time for this author to put away her Mac and go back to the Steno Pool where she belongs. How many trees died to print this garbage? "

No reason to beat around the bush, here are a few reasons why R's review is a giant pile of crap:

-He complains about women being set back 200 years and then in his next breath, set women back another 50.

-Assumes that everyone uses a Mac. Some people can only afford PC's.
(Unlike whinny trust fund bastards like R . who leave reviews for books they have never even read just because the author hurt their feelings. Boohoo, poor you! Waaaaaaaaah. "Mommy come quick! The scary lady said one negative thing about my toy over a year ago and I still can't get over it because of a cripplingly myopic world view that precludes me from understanding the difference between dialogue and argument!" Waaaaah! "I want revenge, but I don't want to use my name or allow any real back and forth because then I would have take responsibility for my actions." Waaaaaaah!)

-Attempts to use "Steno Pool" ironically.

-Attempts irony.

-Throws in a random environmentally friendly tirade, because he read on a message board that he might be able to lose his virginity before turning 32 by pretending to be "all Green and sh**!"

Who? Me?

In the last few weeks the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna debacle has played out in front of a horrified world. It's not hard to find thousands of "I hate Chris Brown" posts and comments. That's kid's stuff.

It might be difficult to fathom that anyone would be defending Brown. But remember, America loves an underdog. Even an underdog that beats on women. Even an underdog that you most likely have never met and only know through third-hand gossip that you can't really prove that you heard in the first place. Even an underdog that is lucky that Jay-Z hasn't had him beaten, gagged and then thrown into the East River.

Here is one example of the pro-Brown comments I was able to discover (two weeks too late to be even remotely timely):

FROM the TMZ story:

Shocking Blow-By-Blow - Chris Brown/Rihanna
Posted Mar 5th 2009

"HAVE YOU MET CHRIS BROWN? NO.

+I HAVE AND I HAVE WORKED FOR HIS RECORD LABEL AND THERE IS NOT ONE PERSON WHO HAS ANYTHING BAD TO SAY ABOUT HIM AND THAT'S WHY EVERYONE'S SO SHOCKED.

+HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A MUMMY'S BOY AND HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN LOVELY TO ALL THE STAFF AND CELEBRITIES AROUND HIM. +YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED YET AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE HIM. +GOD IS WATCHING YOUR NASTY A$$" Posted at 9:46AM on Mar 5th 2009 by J

Two things I learned from J and his hauntingly stupid all-caps post:

1)Chris Brown acted out so violently because it turns out his mother is an undead Egyptian monster that once attempted to kill Abbot and Costello

2)My ass is nasty. And there is a pervy all-seeing deity that likes to watch said ass 24-7. Kinky.

I ♥ ♥'s

Lots of fun groups on Facebook. You name it, they got it! From ♥Shitzu Love♥ to David Faustino = Drool ♥, if need the whole world to know that you really ♥ something that in the long run is only of interest to you, then get your sweet ass over to Facebook. (I have got to remember to use the ♥ thing in more business emails)

If you ♥ Jesus, then you'll have no problem finding a place to ♥ him more than you ever have before. Here is a lil' conversation I found on the I love JESUS! If you love JESUS join this group group:

James Wood wrote at 4:07am on February 2nd, 2009

"If im gay, does God still love me? Or am I damned? Honest question here"

Answer:

Wiandra Cloete wrote at 12:49am on February 3rd, 2009

"James Wood a medical study showed that ppl that is gay was born gay if a baby boy was born gay it means that his mother hormones gave alot of estogens and with girls the other way around i belive that God loves ALL the people on the earth even the sinners i mean im not with out sin but God forgives us for our sin and no im not saing that being gay means ur a sinner u didnt asked to be gay if u love God with al ur heart i belive u will go to heaven when u die!"

There is no question that Wiandra Cloete is spot on with her response to this difficult question. Sadly, Wiandra's message of hope and inclusion gets completely obscured by her James Joyce meets ee cummings meets Prince meets kinda stupid person with massive undiagnosed occipital lobe damage, writing style.

Either way, we here at Stupid Galore ♥ you Wiandra.

Taunting people who can't fight back can be fun!

From Citizen Kane (Two-Disc Special Edition)(Amazon)
An Insult to My Intelligence!

May 14, 2005
By Ethan (USA) -

"I'm 45 years old. I have seen so many great films in my life. I think I'm old enough to know what film is good or bad. Who are those idiots calling Citizen Kane the best film ever made???? I wonder how many films those people have ever seen before saying such stupid things like that. It's extreamely absurd."

I am not 45 years old. I have seen a lot of great Amazon reviews in my life, and this is not one of them. I think I am smart/bored enough to know when a review is good or bad. Who are the jerks that write reviews challenging the intelligence of others yet do not take the time to avoid sounding like a brain damaged moron themselves???? I wonder how many reviews Ethan wrote before saying such stupid things like "like that". It's extreamely absurd.

Threads and Stuff, part deux

Lots of people use eBay everyday! It's fun and easy! eBay is the place to be! I love eBay!!
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once you're done bidding on the 6 Million Dollar Man action figure that takes you back to a time when you weren't constantly tempted to chase a quart of cheap vodka with a fist full of Chinese sleeping pills (which may or may not contain a seductive/deadly/hilarious mixture of horse tranquillizers, lead paint chips and just the slightest hint of Yak dung), you can head over to the eBay message boards and share your priceless rants.
Today's Threads and Stuff, will focus on The Soapbox section of eBay's discussion board. The following are some of the most popular threads from the past couple months. Please to enjoy.

What do Basset Hounds do all day? Check this webcam to find out:

What Colour Are Your Towels?

Do You Know How Rubber Gloves Are Made?

WHO HERE IS GAY?

Civil War Part II

Would you clone a cockroach?

Check out what I found with the metal detector.

.........have you ever fainted?

Medical Advice Please...

My Ding Dong Has Shrunk

Just to calm your fears, the last one is actually about the snack cake of the same name. Yummy.

Moron says what?

Two and a Half Men. Big show on CBS. Great ratings. Like most message boards, TAAHM's (I think I just made that up. Good for me) is filled with supportive fans who seem to really care about the characters and plot lines. Oh, and then there's this %$#*!*##:

Author:poncita
CBS Community Member Joined: 08/20/2008
11/24/2008 20:32:17
Subject: boycott of Nov. 24th episode

"have you ever watched a Tv show or movie and wonder why was it necessary that a certain situation or relationship was portrayed? Why is it necessary that the girl that Jake gets involved with be black? While people of different races have relationships and some even marry I would hardly put these in the category of "the norm" yet producers and networks insist on foring such relationships down viewer's throats. Why is this necessary?"

-Wow, who knew Andy Rooney was such a virulent on-line racist*? I learn something new everyday.


*I know for a fact that Andy Rooney did not write this comment. So please don't sue me. But then again, if Andy Rooney does sue me I would most likely get a chance to meet him in person, which would be super cool. I did meet Mike Wallace a few years back. Really amazing man, with an unbelievably firm hand shake. I tell you what, when Mike Wallace shakes your hand it stays shook! Ok, back to the Andy Rooney thing. He's an American icon, a WWII vet and an all around great guy. It's just that poncita's post was written in a way that reminded me of Andy Rooney. Oh great, now I've explained the joke thus rendering it not funny. I am just going to stop.

Ummmm...I think you're in the wrong place

A few of the customer reviews on Amazon are weird; this we know. Sometimes you stumble across a posting that is both strange and way, way, way, out of place. Take a gander at this gem, and make sure to double check the "this review is from" line. Oh, and I love the fact that 14 out of 35 people somehow found this review helpful:

JRR TOLKIEN makes his mark in the field of Fantasy, May 11, 2001
By Cherry Blossoms (Japanese Documentarist) (NY) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Mein Kampf (Paperback)

"The Hobbit is an excellent work of fiction. However, many believe Tolkien's masterpiece was brought on by his severe heroin addiction. Clearly Bilbo Baggins is what he views himself as,a dillusional 3 foot tall man. Heroin makes addicts feel as if they shrink, and become thieves, stealing from loved ones to pay for their costly habit. When Bilbo steals the ring of invisibility, it's clear that he feels himself as invisible to his wife. I suggest marijuana."

I suggest rehab.

Role Models

Let's face it (or not, it's totally up to you), in these troubling times, finding a role model can be hard. Yet, when that special someone steps boldly into your life, you must hold tight and celebrate your new found hero with the gusto of a man who enjoys dominating those who aren't emotionally strong enough to fight back. What better way to show your love, than to leave a charmingly sadistic note on the message board of an MTV reality show.

From The Hills message board topic Enough with the Heidi and Spencer bashing

lookyhere said
"Spencer is the MAN, I've been having trouble with my GF family. After watching how Spencer was able to isolate heidi from her friends and family i started to do the same with my GF. I am so much happier now that she is more focused on me. Spencer should write a guide book on how to Isolate a girl from her family and friends."

lookyhere...did you ever know that you're my hero?
(Oh, and you're also a grade-A jackass who better be joking otherwise mankind is doomed.)

My beauty can kick your beauty's butt

Hey, we have our first submitted comment. The wonderful Lori sent me this gem. Please read it a couple of times to soak in the joy of discovering your inter beauty and then using that beauty to destroy all those who oppose you.

krznpsk's comment from the message board of the ABC show True Beauty:

"dear tyra banks,i like your show i like how its about people can be really beautiful on the outside but not always beautiful on the inside. i used to believe that i was ugly but after i watched true beauty i realized i am not ugly on the inside i am beautiful person inside.i have learned from watching true beauty that not everyone in this society is fit to live in it. and when we see these people, it is our duty to make them feel low, like the wretches that they are inside.tyra, i spit in the face of people who are not beautiful like you and i are. and by that, of course i mean, beautiful on the inside"

My Goal

This is a blog about nothing but ridiculous comments left on blogs, message boards and the occasional product. I don't care about the person, topic or item being commented on. It's really just a way to highlight the low lights of on-line criticism. That's it. Enjoy.